just be yourself....really

i talked with a few doctors this past week about G's healing and the word i get is still patience and time.

...and a LOT of rest.

no rest for the weary...it seems to me.

i am weary.

how about a little rest for the worry. i need that.

we have adjusted his school schedule to accommodate the ridiculous headaches that he suffers every day. he usually overcomes the worst of them by noon so an afternoon/evening schedule is best. his counselor at school today told me i should write a book because i really am doing everything as right as anyone could in this situation, he really emphasized that i could be a great resource to other parents suffering this, struggling through it, one day at a time, and certainly more days than i ever imagined.


it could be worse.

he is not looking to addictions, or sleeping day and night with no motivation.

he is still a very social kid, and very successful at his job. makes sense, it's evening work, and he feels happy there. versus school; he feels like the "village idiot" at school. the kid that could have conquered the hierarchy but plundered bottom. it's so depressing.

this change in his schedule should help and we know a little more about what we can do, for now.

on the bright side he took the ACTs and did pretty well. GREAT NEWS considering that it is a full day of stressful testing, which took three days of sleep and severe headache to recover. but he took the test, he accomplished it and he reached a benchmark that will allow him to apply to colleges and actually start at some college level courses. of course, that is a few years out, and some more time...to heal.

one thing that I am thankful for is that he has time....senior year, an LDS mission (which is on his agenda, something he has chosen to be important to him), and then life....and college, and hopefully he will be in a better place, healed and whole, and who HE wants to be.

i think that is the hardest part, when i hear him say that he doesn't remember who he was....so he doesn't know who we expect him to be.

he is different to us...but to him, he is himself.

i think he just needs us to be with him today, who he is now, and quit looking for the old, accept the new G, ...as our G.

my youngest, J-10 years old, said today "mom, when is G going to be G again?"

and then he told me he just worries that something really bad is going to happen to him. i didn't know he was worrying so much about it and it makes me feel bad. in the chaos of trying to work with this healing i have forgotten to notice how it is upturned my other childrens lives and relationships with their brother.

it has changed them all.

i told J to just talk to his brother and ask him advice....like when J was beat up at school yesterday...he could ask G what he would do about it. like a little brother to a big brother...because still, that is who they are.

this has been hard for us all. but we are making it harder focusing so much on when G is going to be well....and not just accepting each day, and each moment, as a blessing to live and love and laugh.


we need to do that.

it is still possible: LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE.
corny yes.. but it is what we've got!

side note: i just started this blog and it morphed into a record of healing from my son's TBI (traumatic brain injury). i found some journal entries from the past couple of years, including the accident and those first months of healing, which i am going to add to this record. it is a long and difficult journey and worth noting the process, and the progress.