hard knocks

i am pushing too hard.
it is hard to know what to say, when.
i try to help, but i don't have the tools.


this is all new to me.

i know he doesn't mean it...but today...
when he told me the sound of my voice...
makes him want to kill himself.

he wont remember saying it later.

he will feel bad if he does.

it is hard for him.

and hard for me.

i pray

and later he tells me he loves me.
and he is sorry mamma.

and i tell him that i am not going to give in.
it is our fight.

healing is possible.

and i tell him that i brought him into this world.
and i guess it is only fair if he leaves i get to be why!

and he laughs.

healing IS possible.