Friday, 20 January 2012

measuring my possibility

i m not making this blog very resourceful by my lack of post.

Anyhow, life is abounding by daily and I am making the most of every moment. Even those moments I curl up on the end of my bed for a mini nap/dream.

I love dreams. I learn a lot from the chaos that resides in my head.

Well, today I am still in my pjs. Three of four kids have made it to their post at school...the fourth, well, I am working on. Parenting is a puzzle and I still struggle to find the right pieces.

But I learned something today about the senses.

This week, really.

Tuesday I had a prompting to go immediately and get this son a donut.

Maple, his favorite.

This moment had a whole anterior story which still puzzles me. ...Mysterious which He shows us that we are His, He knows our hearts and prompts our steps.

But the donut and the prompting followed awakened a sense in my son. He was up, showered, and out the door in less than 20! Without frustration, nagging, and anger! It was a miracle. And I witnessed it. After a year plus of head injury trauma, the simplest act of waking him and getting him to school....well, let me just note that we are almost third district juvenile court bound for this, a tiny moment in which I felt remembered and saw an act of God in a small part of my morning...mattered.

Today B went to Bambury Cross and bought two maple bars, fresh and warm and wafting with aroma. I placed them on my sons bedside table. And again, he awakened, his senses empowered by something sweet, and an act of concern and thought, love, tenderly awakened him.

I have hope that he will continue to emerge. That we can learn together to enjoy and celebrate this new journey. This struggle... It is not what I wanted, but more than I hoped for. It is hard and wrenching and I feel like I am failing most of the time, but today I measure a small step forward. Something learned and a direction to try.

For a year I have been doing all the same things to push healing, my way. Maybe I need to try something's new! It's possible I might even learn, and grow. I measure...a a step.

Monday, 9 January 2012

tHe EvoLutiOn of hUmaN nAtuRe -day 1

I did it! First day of back to school for me. After graduating last spring from the community college I have become once again a University student. Yay! It's possible. i.m.possible!

As I walked up to the ST building, the brisk cold air and warmth of the sunshine basked me in memories -- walking to work at the U nearly 19 years ago, pushing a new baby in a stroller, one child, then two, three and finally a fourth wonderful being born of me. Running after them on a warm summers day, teaching them to ride their bikes, crunching in the fall leaves, years later taking pictures of my oldest as he threw tricks on his skateboard. Many a play to be seen, holding the hand of my student husband. His eventual graduation.

I approached the building with one last breath before entering. I remembered a particular jump my son made during a skate sesh! I recall thinking of the courage it took for him to try something so big, a jump so high, not knowing how he would land it.

I found myself in a similar leap. At this moment I would cross a threshold into a new old building and become, officially, a student again at the University.

Like the building I was about to embrace this new old experience in a new to me old building and I felt comfortable - as I crossed the threshold of the building and my eyes embraced the newness to me of the old building, the smells, the sounds, the sights, embraced me back. The musky smell of old smoke, refreshing, like making a memory. Walking me to my future in the past. In the foyer as if the past hadn't passed at all, time standing still, my evolution certain. I can see evidence of my own evolving over the past 20 years, and now - in my first course back in this venue I ponder -- who I have been, who I am becoming, my human nature, my evolution, my moment.