Tuesday, 13 March 2012

explain it to my heart

this is a tough one.
i can't wrap my mind around it,
even the explanations have explanations.
so...could someone just explain it to my heart.
a very good friend who has been dealt this pain, but really so much worse, reminded me this week that "i don't do criticism".

See, last Fall at the State Football Championship game she
came, with her husband.
Her husband has
a TBI, much worse than ours,
(not to compare, but really)
keeps me in

Anyhow, my son played football this last Fall;
after THE
His first injury was the Winter
We had plenty of doctor
interaction, saw specialists after specialists.
Did the Impact tests, went through all the procedures of return to play
after the concussion.
Our specialists
work with professional Football, Baseball, and Gymnasts…sports of all kinds,
and accident victims, etc.
The right
thing to do with people in recovery is to help them back to the things they
love to do.
Our G loves Football, loves
(cause of accident was an overshot jump,
he fell about 40 feet,
landing on his head.
He was unconscious
and lost some memory.
He was unable to
move his legs.
his ability now
is such a
people LOVE to tell me
that we should put him in a bubble,
allow him to do the things he LOVES again.
if we cared..."if he were our child..."
..."we would..."
Protect him, smother him, and hold him back….
if…IF we were responsible
Well, last Fall I expressed to her that when others feel the
need to ADVISE me on what I SHOULD be doing
I just politely let them know that
we don’t do criticism.
The complaint
department is over yonder…in the garbage can.
Thanks, but no thanks.
I may not
know what I am doing…but I am
doing my best…
and eventually MY BEST will become
So I just keep at it.
The ADVICE I do take is from the professionals who are
They are good at what they do,
and if they don’t know the answers they always let me know just that.
Brains are so tricky, no one can know
Sometimes the answer is just
The advice thus far is that returning to healthy exercise
and sports that G loves will do more for his healing than anything else.
Sleep is key;
if we can’t wake him up to get
to school, let him sleep.
School is the
WORST thing for his healing.
Makes sense
to me…NOW,
but back when we began this process I argued that he just needed to
determine that he was going to be better, to be able, and to be whole.
We are still aiming for all that.
Right now he is NOT better (worse),
he is disABLEd,
and the healing process is full of HOLES.
It is so confusing.
like he has a head trauma,
and I have heart trauma.
I think the key word is TRAuMA.
This whole thing is traumatic.
I just wanted to write a few more things so that I could
reference myself.
Today I sat with his school counselor, after our other
appointment. His school counselor has the
goal of getting him graduated, with stellar recommendations.
He knows our son,
and he knows from a coach’s
standpoint that he will be healed, in time.
In another year he will look back and wonder how he ever endured this
whole experience (me in the office at this point tearing up…because I wonder
sometimes if we will.)
This man has
knowledge from years of being a coach and a school counselor.
He was a rugby coach, a soccer coach, and now
is track and field and an academic counselor (retiring this year).
He knows injuries and he knows G, very well.
Today he told G that he has to realize that
he is not the same. The old G could have
handled the AP and Honors classes that the new G wants to be in.
The new G cannot.
Not that he can’t try… but the goal is to
graduate and the journey forward
does not include the courses that he wants to
take, the courses he would have been able to do,
the old G.
It is such a defining process, and so humiliating for my
See, the brain is like any other part of the body and yet
unlike in every way.
If you were to
sprain an ankle,
you would rest the ankle,
you would not run on it, or do
repetitions of ankle rolls.
You elevate
it, rest it, take iBuprofin
and allow it time to heal.
After a while your ankle is healed.
The brain is likened to that, when a
concussion happens
the brain needs time to heal,
sometimes a very long
And it takes at least a year to see
that the brain is healed,
and longer to know what affects you may have for
If you don’t rest the brain it
takes longer.
School is the ankle
Reading and learning and sitting
through a class may sound easy
but it is no different than trying to run a
marathon on a sprained ankle.
The best
thing for healing a brain
is exercise and sports and doing the things that you
your brain endorphins of happiness are healing.
The stress and degradation of people’s criticism’s
and expectations are not.

G has been running a marathon.
I have been pushing him along.
Today I learned that we need to be patient, ...still.
We need another specialist to advise.
We will listen, and learn, and eventually
heal and understand.
I just wanted to remember some of these things. More later.

1 comment:

  1. ...and I will cry a few tears with you...♥♥♥♥